A woman who raised her stepdaughter for 12 years recently refused to tell the girl to stop calling her “mom” despite the girl’s biological mother calling her selfish. Here’s what the stepmom had to say.
He Had a Daughter
The woman, in her late twenties, had shared her life with her partner, Eric (aged 32), for the past 12 years.
When they first met, he had a three-year-old daughter, Lisa, whose mother abandoned her when she was only a year old. Since then, her mother has not been in Lisa’s life, and the girl is now a teenager of 14 years.
She Helped Raise Her
Although only young at the time, the woman stepped up and played a critical role in Lisa’s upbringing. By the time Lisa was seven, the little girl had started calling her “mom.”
“We had a conversation about it with Eric; we agreed to explain to her that I was not her real mom but that it didn’t have to stop her from calling me mom,” the stepmom explained.
It Didn’t Change Anything
The 7-year-old accepted that the woman was not her biological mother but didn’t care, and continued to call her stepmother “mom.”
However, the situation recently got more complicated when Lisa’s birth mother, Mary, made contact.
She Wanted Contact
Mary contacted Eric, expressing a desire to reconnect with her daughter, and he agreed, but with certain stipulations.
Mary’s visits were initially limited to weekends at their house only to ease Lisa into this new arrangement. After some time, Mary was permitted to have Lisa over at her own place and even have her daughter stay overnight.
The Teenager Was Happy
The woman continued, “All 3 of us eventually told Lisa that Mary was her real mom. She took it well and was happy.”
Unfortunately, unbeknownst to the woman, Mary harbored a secret grievance that she was about to act on.
She Wanted To Be The Only “Mom”
Things took a turn when Mary texted the stepmom after dropping Lisa home one day.
She insisted that Lisa should stop calling the stepmom “mom” as it was confusing her, and consequently, Lisa was addressing her real mother by her first name. Mary found this inappropriate and wanted things to change.
She Called Her Selfish
The stepmom responded by stating that she couldn’t control how Lisa addressed her and that Mary needed to be patient and give her daughter time to adjust.
“She said that I was selfish and deliberately preventing her daughter and her from forming a real mom/daughter bond,” she recounted.
She Refused To Be Puppeted
The woman simply responded that Lisa would treat Mary as her mother when the girl felt ready to do so, and she, for one, wouldn’t push her stepdaughter into anything.
However, when she discussed the matter with her partner Eric, he expressed understanding for both sides.
Eric imagined that the situation was challenging for Mary as well, especially when she saw her daughter calling another woman “mom.”
Even the stepmom’s own mother suggested that stepping back a bit and giving Mary and Lisa a chance to develop a bond wouldn’t hurt.
Was She Selfish?
This left the woman torn, questioning her decision not to try and force Lisa to stop calling her “mom.” She wondered if she was being selfish and if she should actively help Mary and Lisa grow closer.
Not wanting to jeopardize her stepdaughter’s happiness in any way, she asked the internet for advice, hoping to get an outsider’s opinion on her tricky dilemma.
Online Users Responded
One poster wrote, “This is not a decision for anyone to make except for Lisa. Mary doesn’t want to be the bad guy by telling Lisa to stop calling you ‘mom.’ She wants YOU to do her dirty work. Then it looks like YOU are rejecting Lisa. How messed up is that?”
Another replied, “It took 4 years for her to call you mom. Mary has only been back for a year. Lisa’s not a little kid. She understands things. If she wanted to call her ‘mom,’ she would.”
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